Kid Rock Fights at Waffle House
In journalism there is something known as “burying the lead”. It refers to a story that starts out with information that everyone generally already knows, but contains some real nugget of insight that is “buried” further down in the story where people are less likely to read it. This story about Kid Rock getting into a fight at a Waffle House is just such a story.
Actually, this story does worse than bury the lead. It kills the real story and then sets it on fire so that there’s no trace of it. Kinda like what I wish they do to the 2nd season of “The OC”, but I digress.
The real story in the Kid Rock Waffle House donnybrook is not that Kid Rock got in a fight. After bitch-slapping Tommy Lee last month, we all know about Rock’s willingness to throw down in crowded places with plenty of people around.
The fascinating thing about this story is that the fight was not between the Waffle House employees themselves. I mean, have you ever been to a Waffle House in the middle of the night? On most occasions it is a transvestite away from devolving into a full-on “Jerry Springer Show”.
You have the bitter waitress who is taking your order while simultaneously deciding if she is going to have to stab you before the night is over. And then you have the big fat sweaty cook who is making scrambled eggs while simultaneously eyeing the waitress and deciding if he is going to have to choke a bitch tonight.
Why might he have to choke a bitch, you ask? Good question. Near as I can tell it usually has to do with an inability for the two to properly communicate with each other. Most of the times I’ve thought I was going to see Waffle on Waffle violence, it went down something like this.
Waitress (yelling): “I need an order of hash browns scattered, covered, and smothered!!!”
Sweaty cook (yelling back): “Right! Covered, smothered, and chunked. Got it!!!”
Waitress: “No, dummy! Scattered, covered, and smothered!!!”
Sweaty cook: “That’s what I said!!! Now go on before I smother and scatter my foot up yo ass!!!”
Waitress (grabbing nearest steak knife): “You don’t talk to me like that, okay!!! My daddy don’t talk to me like that!!!! So you sure as hell won’t talk to me like that!!!!”
Sweaty cook (brandishing hot spatula with burnt bacon pieces on it): “Well maybe he should!!!”
I have to be honest. I don’t really know what happens after this. It’s about this time that I run crying out of the restaurant like a little school girl who’s just had her My Little Pony run over by a car and promise myself that I’ll never drink again.
Anyway, I just know that hell hath no fury like a Waffle House cook scorned. Even Likes-To-Fight-Guy Kid Rock and his posse apparently know that.
