I really hate Blockbuster. I stopped in our local store last Friday afternoon to pick up a couple movies for the weekend. AG and I have to keep up with what Freddie Prinze, Jr. is doing, you know.
After getting my copies of “She’s All That” and “Summer Catch”, I proceeded to the line. Not surprisingly, I found what I find every time I go into a Blockbuster:
a.) a long line
b.) not enough people working the registers
c.) employees standing around not helping the checkout people
d.) customers with annoyingly long transactions.
Why is it that when I walk into the Blockbuster there is never a line, but even if I make a beeline to pick up my copy of “Freddie, The Complete First Season” and get right back to the front of the store, there are already seventeen people in line? I bet it’s because of that grating, insincere “Hello” that the employees give you when you walk into the store. You know, the one where they don’t even look up from the computer, open up the side of their mouth closest to you, and mutter, “hello” while checking to see if they have “Field of Dreams” in stock for the jackass who just cut in line to ask for it. I think it reminds everyone else that other people are in the store, so they better hurry up and get in line so they don’t wait forever.
Those line-jumpers are the worst at Blockbuster. You know who they are. It’s the people that aren’t ready to rent yet, but just need to ask a question. So they jump right in the cashier’s face even though there are tons of people in line and ask asinine questions like, “Do you have ‘Monster House’ in stock?” It’s even more irritating that the cashier ignores all of the people who have been standing in line for an eternity so he can check the computer and see. Why does he need to check the computer for you, jackass line jumper? There are 400 copies of “Monster House” on the back wall of the store. Walk your fat ass back there and look for yourself. The exercise would do you some good.
Where was I? Oh yeah, so it’s last Friday, I have my two FPJ masterpieces in hand, and I walk to the front of the store to discover that there are now eight people in line in front of me and two people working four cash registers. It’s after 5 on a Friday. Is there a busier time of the week at a Blockbuster than after 5 on a Friday? Wouldn’t you think that the manager would have put more people on the schedule for this time?
So if it’s not annoying enough that Blockbuster’s inefficiency is delaying me from finding out how a hopeful minor-leaguer can find a summer of love with Jessica Biel, they add insult to injury by paying a guy to stand around the checkout line and NOT DO ANYTHING. This happens every time that I come in. There’s a huge line, not enough people working the registers, and one or two people standing around either doing nothing or sorting returns. Would it kill you to open up a register and take up the slack for like 10 minutes? Who cares if you don’t get “Date Movie” back on the shelf for another 20 minutes? Some asshole is going to cut in line and ask you for it anyway, and you’ll have it right there on your little cart. Everybody wins.
And if it’s not the Blockbuster employees conspiring to piss me off, it’s the idiot customers. Invariably, I will get to the front of the line, and the two people in front of me at the only two registers have what is apparently the most complex problem in the history of Blockbuster customers. I’ve never had a transaction at Blockbuster that took longer than 90 seconds, but I manage to get behind people that will eat up a full 10 minutes of a cashier’s time. Did Blockbuster start doing mortgage refinancing?
Seriously, here is the list of transactions you can perform while in line at Blockbuster and their approximate durations:
1.) Rent a movie (90 seconds)
2.) Get or renew your Blockbuster card and rent a movie (3 minutes)
3.) Pay a late fee (1 minute)
That’s it. And they even got rid of late fees last year. The only time you have to pay now is if you kept the movie for over 30 days!!! If you weren’t swift enough to take a movie back in 30 days, you shouldn’t be allowed in any line at any establishment. You’ve already demonstrated that you are a procrastinating slacker, so you are a menace to those of us that have to be in line behind you.
But that’s all I can imagine that these people are trying to do that take up so much time. I think they are trying to get out of paying $24.99 for that copy of “V is for Vendetta”, and in some cases I think it’s working. On Friday, one of the line hoggers in front of me actually had the cashier on the phone talking to someone about their return. Is there some secret Blockbuster telephone court that adjudicates late fee disputes? Does it really take that long to resolve these things? Why doesn’t Blockbuster set up regional Late Fee Courts where people can go and bitch about this crap? Why do we all have to suffer because you people are lazy?
So after all this irritation, I finally get to the front of the line. I get no apology or sympathy from the cashier, even though I’ve waited in line for 20 minutes behind eight people. Typical.
The icing on the cake was that later that night, I’m watching “She’s All That”, and the DVD player wigs out right as “The Fast and Furious” dude tells Laney that Zach’s dating her was all just a bet. The disc is scratched. I can’t finish watching the movie.
Screw you, Blockbuster. You’ve robbed me of seeing a wooden, emotionless, cardboard-like Freddie Prinze Jr. performance for the last time.
AG and I rocked out this weekend for a company costume party. We wanted a look that reminded us of a place where the grass is green and the girls are pretty. I think we achieved our goal.
Click for more pictures that remind you of a warm, safe place where as a child you’d hide.
Part of the fun of writing these reviews for DWTS is that the show has been kinda cheezy and there is usually a nice mix of bad dancers, okay dancers, and good dancers. It’s fun for me to mock the cheeziness of the show and the bad dancers but still have some nice performances to dig on. This year hasn’t really been as cheezy and there are way more good dancers than bad dancers. Tonight’s episode is a perfect example of that. Good for the show. Bad for the blizzog. So with that in mind, tonight I’m going to save the “that was pretty good” that I wrote for almost everyone and get to the beat down.
Sara Evans has no business being on this show. Her whole intro tonight was about how she’s not really that good at this dance. This should be a clue. AG thinks Sara looks like a milk maid tonight. I think she looks like the Bride of Frankenstein. Her performance tonight was terrible, just like the rest. She is so stiff. Sara just doesn’t move well at all. Len didn’t like it. He said the Pasadoble wasn’t for her. Bruno didn’t dig it either.
All this and she still ended up with a 20 from the judges. Way too high. She should be voted off tomorrow night. We’ll see if ABC manages to pull her out of this one.
