The Gary Cole or Gary Coleman Quiz

or ?

Ashley and I just got back from seeing Talladega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby with Will Ferrell.  Do yourself a big favor and go see it immediately.  It’s hilarious.  One of my favorite characters in the movie is Reese Bobby, Ricky’s dad, played brilliantly by Gary Cole… or so I thought. 

As we left the movie theater, I told Ashley, “Gary Cole was great as the dad.”  Not one to miss a chance to inform me that I’m wrong about something, Ashley immediately countered with, “That wasn’t Gary Cole.  That was Gary Coleman, you big dummy.”

Ashley calls me “big dummy” so much that I sign it on my credit card slips now.  Most of the time, I deserve it, but this time I knew I was right.  Ashley knew it too, and after 2 seconds of thinking about it she realized that Gary Coleman and Gary Cole were not the same person.  We had a good chuckle and then proceeded with our evening.

But that got me thinking: What if there are other people like Ashley that aren’t sure about the differences between Gary Cole and Gary Coleman?  What if there’s some guy at a party next weekend that says, “Gary Coleman sure was funny in Talladega Nights” and then the records skips and everyone at the party points and laughs at him and his girlfriend dumps him?  What if you meet Gary Cole at an Olive Garden and you say “I’m a big fan of your work, Mr. Coleman.” and he flies into a rage and kicks you in the balls? 

That’s just not cool.  So to make sure that everyone keeps their personal relationships and privates intact, the blizzog has devised this handy Gary Cole or Gary Coleman Quiz. 

I know what you’re thinking, and you don’t have to say anything.  I already know: You’re welcome.

Taking the Gary Cole or Gary Coleman Quiz is pretty simple.  Just fill in the blanks in the following sentences with either Gary Cole or Gary Coleman.  You should probably use a pencil since it’s easier to wipe off your monitor in case you make a mistake.

Now on to the quiz.  Answers are below and written in a secret code I call “upside down” to help keep you from cheating.  Good luck.

1.) ____________ is a short black guy famous for being a child actor in the 80s.

2.) ____________ is the complete and utter opposite of a short black guy famous for being a child actor in the 80s.  Like Season 1 vs Season 2 of “The OC“ opposite.  I mean, if there were a bizarro parallel universe where people have a living, breathing antonym, this would be him.

3.) ____________ punched a female bus driver in the head because she was seeking his autograph.

4.) ______________ punched me in the head with comedy as the deadpan boss in Office Space.

5.) __________________ has a somewhat creepy fan web site dedicated to his every move.

6.) _____________________ will probably ask me for money for mentioning his name on the blizzog.

7.) ________________ will keep 18 Miller Lites cool and refreshing for up to six and a half hours.

8.) ___________________ ran for governer of California.

9.) _____________________ was a merry old soul and a merry old soul was he.

10.) _____________________ should never in a million years be confused with ______________________.

Now flip your monitor upside down or find a small child of reading age that you can comfortably force to do a headstand on your desk to find out how you did.  And remember, no matter what you scored, when it’s all said and done, you’re still lame for reading this far down.  Seriously, if Gary Cole were here right now he’d kick you in the balls and steal your girlfriend.  You big dummy.