If you’re a longtime blizzog reader, you’re probably looking at the site today and saying, “What’s up with all these ads getting in the way of the stuff I’m here to see? Am I at the movies?”
No, you’re not. I signed up with Google AdSense yesterday as more of an experiment than anything else. As some of you know, I’m starting to branch out into other Internet businesses. Advertising revenue may or may not be a part of some of the ventures I’m pursuing, so I thought I’d use the blizzog as a testbed for getting my feet with with all of this.
So don’t worry. I’m not selling out to The Man. This will not affect the quality of the hard hitting fart jokes and reality TV commentary you’ve come to expect from the blizzog. No siree.
Unless of course y’all just want to start clicking on all these ads for me. A lot. Then I could do this full time. That would be scary.
With Steve Lavin and John Beilein today becoming the latest group of people to turn down the NC State coaching job, I decided it was time for me to go into the t-shirt business so we could keep this whole mess straight. I figure if each person who turned down the job gets one - which is pretty much almost everyone - then that will make it easier to identify those that Lee Fowler hasn’t yet offered the job to. I’m just trying to do my part to help out.
CNN brings us the horrific story of some scientists who have discovered how to engineer beans that don’t make you fart. What the hell is that all about? This is just wrong on so many levels.
For starters, doesn’t anyone want to cure cancer anymore? Isn’t that why parents send their kids to college? Don’t people still get AIDS and bird flu and stuff? Who honestly sits down and decides that “the more you eat, the more you toot” is a problem so big that some of the planet’s scientific resources must be dedicated to solving it?
And what if this research is taken to its logical conclusion? What if the knowledge gained here is applied to other foods? What if….. I don’t think I can even bring myself to say it…. what if farting was wiped off the face of the earth?
What would 12-year old boys find to laugh about at slumber parties? How would spouses torment each other? What would be left to blame on the dog? What would become of the best scene in one of the best movies ever made? Most importantly: what would I ever laugh about ever again?
Like microwave french fries and Fergie’s nasty grill, this is clearly a case of science run amok. Just because you can do something doesn’t necessarily mean that you should.
I think we can all agree that the logical thing to do here is put these so-called scientists and their work in a rocket, fire them into the sun, and forget that this whole crazy thing ever happened.
In the meantime, how about some more beans, Mr. Taggart?
If you’re like me, even though you’re excited when you finish a video game, there’s a small part of you that always thinks, “This game would’ve kicked ass if there had been more oil painting in it.” Well you’ll be happy to know that our prayers are about to be answered.
Video game developer AGFRAG Entertainment announced that it is developing video games based on the paintings of the late TV artist Bob Ross. Awesome.
Early indications are that the gameplay will be like Doom, except not fun.
There was no word on plans for a game based on the work of Julia Child, but I think I speak for all of us when I say “I can’t wait.”
I’m not going to name any names here, but let’s just say that if you’ve recently uttered the phrase “I remember back before ranch dressing was invented in the 80’s,” you weren’t 100% correct.
ESPN reports that recently retired Pittsburgh Steeler Jerome “The Bus” Bettis will be inducted into the Bowling Hall of Fame. That’s right: bowling.
The International Bowling Museum & Hall of Fame sits near Busch Stadium in St. Louis. For the first time, the hall is honoring celebrity bowlers. Bettis, 34, will be the first inductee into the Celebrities Bowling Hall of Fame, the organization announced Tuesday.
First of all, how awesome does the International Bowling Museum & Hall of Fame sound? I smell road trip! Second, how the hell is the International Bowling Museum & Hall of Fame not in Ohio? That’s pretty much all we do up there… well, when we’re not inventing flight and stuff.
I bet Missouri was just jealous that Ohio had all the other dope Halls of Fame, like the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton and the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland and the International Early 1990s Skinemax Late Night Movies on VHS Tape Museum & Hall of Fame in Huber Heights.
Oh, what’s that? Ahh, yes. That last one’s in a box marked “Jamie’s Stuff - KEEP OUT” down in my parents’ basement. It’s not frequently visited.
Haven’t heard of it, eh? Thankfully neither have they. 
Anyway, back to the Bus being inducted into the Celebrity Bowling Hall of Fame, I think that’s just awesome. As an avid bowler myself, I think it high time people realized that it takes real athleticism to bowl. Jerome Bettis’ involvement in the sport shows that it’s not just for big, fat……uh……… nevermind.
I’m going to kick it old school style tonight with a little Random House. Gimme a beat….
- After boycotting American Idol last year, I’m slowly being drawn back in by this season’s finalists. Save Chris Daughtry, I don’t think there’s a bona fide superstar in the bunch, but the talent level top to bottom is probably the best of any season so far. What was up with Randy’s outfit tonight? Was he dealing blackjack after the show? Instead of saying, “Yo, dawg, that was just ahh-ight for me,“ I thought he was going to ask a contestant if they wanted to double down.
- I’m down with my alma mater UNC being all liberal and progressive and stuff, but don’t you think it would be depressing to live in a dorm called Slave Poet Horton?
- I found out today that I have a rotator cuff injury in my left shoulder. I’d like to say that I did it pulling some hottie out of a car before it sank into a lake or something, but the truth is I have no idea how it happened. This just goes to prove what a giant gimp I am. In related news, Vicodin is pretty sweet for masking the pain, but apparently not very good at helping me write a funny blog post.
- If you happen to see Jerry Garcia’s toilet walking around anywhere, you should probably alert the authorities.
- What’s the over/under on how many years it will be before JJ leaves his job hustling 5-spots from guys at the local Y to become a useless Dook assistant coach?
- Who would you rather be right now: Zacarias Moussaoui or Lee Fowler? Werd. I had to think about it for a minute too.
- Last question. It’s a simple question, Norm. A baby could answer it. If you were a hot dog, would you eat yourself?
Werd.
I should have known that after two weeks of some of the best NCAA Tournament games in recent memory we’d be punished with one of the worst Final Fours of all time. Yawn.
Florida taking it to UCLA like this is like watching one of our old Raleigh City League teams getting whupped by… well… everyone.
