Forgive us for being late to the party on this one, but in a cruel twist of fate, the blizzog was down last week when one of the best stories of the last few years wriggled its drunken, horny, sweaty, belligerent self off of a dirty bar bathroom floor and punched its way into the public spotlight. And apparently, we weren’t the only ones who were down.
Yes, we’re chiming in on the most obvious story from last week. Yes, we’re pandering to the lowest common demnominator.
Yes, you’re still reading.
Rather than make snide comments… well, rather than make any more snide comments, the blizzog would like to thank you dear ladies. Although your liquor-fueled lesbian rampage may have lost you your jobs, it has gained the following for us all…
- Given the blizzog the chance to help the phrase “liquor-fueled lesbian rampage“ take its rightful place in the national vernacular
- Ended any speculation about who might be on the cover of this January’s Penthouse
- Proven that if you thought you could find a humorous, safe-for-work picture of someone consuming or even putting their mouth on an acutal piece of carpet on Google Image Search, that you would be mistaken
- Restored my faith in the veracity of every late night Skinemax movie I have seen since I was twelve years old
For this, the blizzog…. nay, mankind…. thanks you.
Is it just me or are we going to wake up one day to find Google ruling the planet? They already drive the majority of the search traffic on the Internet. Now with the addition of Google Analytics, they are going to get their eyes on a ton of web usage data. Is this all ultimately for the greater good? Will Google be able to stick to its corporate mantra of “do no evil”? I can’t help but be reminded of that quote “absolute power corrupts absolutely”.
I love the services Google is providing right now, but at the same time I keep waiting for my son to show up from the future and tell me that we have to go burn down the Googleplex. How about you?
I’m driving down the highway the other day while listening to the radio. The traffic is pretty heavy, and I’m somewhat tense because I’m driving Ashley’s car, which I rarely drive, and I really am not on the highway that much anymore. Suddenly I hear the sound of a siren blaring behind me. Startled, I frantically look up at the rear view mirror while determining if I need to pull over or get out of the way. Surprisingly there is no police car or fire truck or ambulance to be found, and a quick glance to the right and left confirms the same.
As my heart makes its way from my throat back down to where it normally hangs out, I realize that the siren had come from the radio. There was some stupid commercial on about house alarms. It’s bad enough that these vultures have called my house incessantly every time we’ve moved to a new place, now they have to scare the crap out of me while I’m driving too?
I’m adding sirens to the list of things I don’t think should be on the radio because they scare me. They’re up there now along with 95% of what passes for R&B today, and Rush Limbaugh.
I’m baaaaaaaacccccccckkk. Not that you missed me, and not to say that I blame you, but the blizzog is back in business after a longer than expected vacation. I host the blizzog on a server that I’ve owned since about 2001, and the server was getting a little long in the tooth. I’m getting ready to launch a new project that’s going to require more processing horsepower than the old server had, so I brought it back to the JG Training Facility for a nice cycle of server ‘roids.
If you notice that the blizzog’s head looks abnormally large, or its nuts look kinda small, or that it occassionally lashes out in fits of unbridled rage, that would be the hearty helping of The Cream and The Clear I gave it. Whereas all the other servers used to make fun of the blizzog’s server, now it is pimped out with 4GB of RAM and dual processors. Now my server growls “Give me your lunch money, bitch.” at the other servers in the data center while it pushes them into their lockers. Werd.
I really missed not having the blizzog during these past couple weeks. It made me realize what life would be like without the immediate ability to drop science on the entire earth, and let me tell you, it sucked. Now that I have my bullhorn back, I’m going to make a concerted effort to blather on about whatever I feel like on a more consistent basis. Good for me. Maybe not so good for you, but you’ll get over it.
More later…….
