Some random thoughts on tonight’s draft.
7:00 - Cool intro for the pre-show. I like to see all the Carolina guys there together. That’s good times. It makes me really appreciate this past season.
7:02 - Mike Tirico explains the complicated screen with all the draft data. I think you hit up, up, down, down, left, left, circle to see who the next pick is.
7:03 - Early news. Jazz have just traded to get the number 3 spot and will take a point guard. Does this mean Chris Paul is going to the most boring city in the most boring state in the country? BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
7:04 - Here’s a bit on Andrew Bogut being the likely first pick. He is going to be such a terrible first pick. This is the guy that got shut down by Texas Tech in the NCAA tournament. They didn’t have a guy over 6′9″ on the floor.
7:06 - Steven A. Smith is already yelling at the Bucks for not having a coach. This will be the first of approximately 89 times that he yells in the next 5 hours.
7:31 - David Stern. Drunk already. Madison Square Garden is hard to pronounce, eh Dave?. I always think it’s funny how they give the first team 5 minutes to make their pick. They’ve had a month to make their pick. You’re just making us all stay up later. Get on with it.
7:35 - Andrew Bogut is the first. I like how Stern says he’s from “Australia and The University of Utah“, like he hasn’t been living here for the last 3 years.
7:39 - BREAKING NEWS. Andrew’s favorite food is soup. Call CNN. What kind of soup? Dingo soup? I must know this.
7:41 - Atlanta takes Marvin Williams. What a great guy. I’m very happy for him.
7:45 - Utah takes…..uhhhhh…..takes…… well, c’mon David, get on with it! Deron Williams from Illinois. Chris Paul, you are so lucky. Stewart Scott is obsessed with Deron’s tattoos. He keeps telling everyone how many he has and who is on them. Deron’s wife…err….girlfriend/baby mama is hot.
7:52 - New Orleans takes Chris Paul. Lucky bastard. He’s going to be a pretty good NBA player. Good luck to you. Jerk. Jonesy is interviewing Chris Paul’s older brother, who explains how Chris used to punch him in the jimmy when they’d fight as kids.
7:57 - Charlotte takes Raymond Felton!!!! I am officially going to see the Bobcats next season. This rules.
8:05 - The Blazers takes some HS guy I’ve never heard of. I hope he likes weed. Toronto is on the clock. PLEASE don’t take Sean May. Please!!!
8:10 - The Pilsbury Dough Boy just called. He wants Martell’s grandmother to give him his hat back.
8:11 - Toronto takes Charlie Villanueva from UConn at number 7?!!! Fine by me. I’m just glad they didn’t take Sean May. I really enjoyed Charlie’s work as the leader of the mutant biker gang from Weird Science. Uh oh. There goes Steven A. Smith again. Yelling at Toronto for this pick.
8:17 - The Knicks take Channing Frye from Arizona (and the United States) at #8. Some NY fans are booing. Some are cheering. Who cares? How did the Knicks not take Warrick out of Syracuse? That kid is going to be a baller. Channing Frye is Marcus Camby 2005. Solid player, but not a Top 10 starting center.
8:20 - Channing Frye doesn’t like Hoosiers?!!! He thinks it’s just okay. JT.net (over IM) says that this is just like being in the Navy and saying Top Gun is okay. This guy sucks.
8:24 - Golden State takes Ike Diogu, the 2005 Pac 10 Player of the Year. Yawn. The Lakers are on the clock. Who is Big Chief Triangle going to draft? Stay tuned.
8:28 - Oh snap!!! I just got some lime Tostitos and spicy salsa. Look out!
8:30 - The top 10 is rounded out by some other high school kid I’ve never heard of. I can’t believe that Warrick is still on the board.
8:34 - I’m so jealous of these guys. I wish I was playing in the NBA. Just think. With some proper planning, this morning was the last morning these guys will ever wake up and have to worry about money. That’s awesome.
8:49 - Charlotte is on the clock at 13. May is on the board. How do you no take him? May is going to put butts in the seats. And it’s good! The Bobcats take May. I’m going to go see at least two games now! Nice job, Bobcats Marketing Dept! 
8:55 - McCants goes at #14 to the Timberwolves. Sweet! I am basking in Carolina homerism and luv right now. I can’t help it. Congrats, Rashad! You will do fine in the NBA.
I think this will do it for me tonight. I’m going to spend the rest of the night buying my new Charlotte Bobcats gear and not thinking about how bad UNC will be next year.
Thanks for indulging me.
I got nothing. Nada. Zippy. Zilcho.
I sat down for over a half hour this morning trying to put together a decent Tom Cruise rant. I couldn’t make it come together. Tom Cruise, people. That’s like [insert witty comparison here for something that is easy], and I couldn’t do it. See, I can’t even come up with a witty comparison for something that is easy.
This is why I haven’t been writing much lately. I’m spent. I can’t think of anything to write about, and even when I have an inkling of an idea I can’t put it together when I sit down to type it out.
I don’t know if it’s the summer or the lack of poor quality reality TV to mock, but I’m in a rut.
So I’m turning to you, dear blizzog readers. All ten of you. Is there anything you would like to see me write about? Send me your suggestions and I’ll give it a shot.
I just found out that Jeff and Shandra have a Flickr account. Here’s a picture from that time Jeff and I eloped to San Francisco and got married.
What can I say, our trip to Destin was awesome. We stayed in a really nice rental place called The Red Umbrella about a block away from the beach. Every day was a blast. We did absolutely nothing the whole time we were there. It was great.
There was a private pool in the back yard where we spent most of our time. Jeff, Shandra, and Ashley spent a lot of time out there as the CPC, or “Cool Pool Crew“, while Joel, Jen, and I headed up “Team Whitey“ inside by playing lots of video games and drinking lots of beer.
Destin itself is a very nice place. There were all kinds of really neat shops and restaurants very close to where we were. We didn’t have a bad meal the whole time we were there.
Ashley and I rented a 2005 Mustang convertible to drive down there. I don’t have a picture of it to put online yet, but it was so fun to drive. I’d never own one in a million years but it was perfect for this trip.
Sorry this is so sparse. I just figured no one really wants to hear me prattle on about my vacation. We had a great time. It’s always fun to see Joel, Jen, Shandra, and Jeff. There is never a dull moment and we always have a blast. I can’t wait until we do it again.
“Dancing With The Stars” continues to amuse me, and judging by my traffic over the past couple weeks it’s doing the same for many of you as well. We missed the second and third episodes because of vacation and other commitments, but managed to catch up on Tivo this weekend. A few brief observations….
I was so glad to see Trista get voted off. Guess what, honey? America hates you. How lame was it that she got all uncomfortable dancing the rhumba with Mr. Macho Man, errr… Louie? I didn’t really get the impression that Trista was Louie’s cup of tea anyway. (Hint: I think Louie’s cup of tea is Dude) Kudos to Louie for keeping his cool when Trista brought in Whipped Ryan and their little shit dog to approve the forbidden dance. How far has Ryan fallen on the cool meter? This guy is a firefighter for crying out loud. She’s reduced him to nothing. Ryan is your sensitive, but cool friend who marries the manipulative chick and is never the same again. I’m pouring some out for him now.
I don’t know much about dancing, but I do know that Joey McIntyre’s rendition of the quickstep reminded me more of the Kentucky Derby than ballroom dancing. He rode his FanGirl partner Ashly from one end of the dance floor to the other like they were giving money away at each end. Bad times, Joey. Bad times. That said, you weren’t as bad as…..
Evander. Evander. Evander. We have found your achilles heel, and it is the sex face. In the second episode, you were two busy concentrating on the quickstep to rock the proper sex face. The result? Bad scores. The sex face made a triumphant return during the third episode when you did the Jive. However it was too little, too late. Tsk tsk.
The “General Hospital” Fan Site message boards have to be melting these days with all the coordination it is taking to keep poor Kelly Monaco in the competition. Despite her impromptu Cinemax Late Night performance with her partner during the rhumba in Episode 2, when Kelly dances she still looks like this video I made when I was a kid of Barbie and She-Ra dancing to “Walk The Dinosaur” while He-Man and Optimus Prime…..uh, well, nevermind. Forget I said that. Let’s just say she looks a bit mechanical out there on the dance floor, and I don’t think The Robot is an approved ballroom dance style, no matter how much it should be. Asian Paula continues to hate on Kelly because of said robotic dance style. Caucasian Jamie is kinda down with Kelly because she keeps dressing up like Princess Leia from Return of the Jedi. Good times.
Props to Rachel Hunter and her partner for doing a pretty decent job in every performance so far despite the fact that she is an Amazon warrior princess. Rachel manages to look very graceful (and limber, I might add) despite the fact that she is a foot taller and seemingly 30 pounds heavier than her partner. She’s my favorite to win it all.
While we’re doling out props, we need to give some to the guy from Seinfeld for not dying on national television yet. He looks like he’s hurting something fierce after every performance. I should also give J Peterman props for not being divorced yet, if he is indeed married. AG pointed out that his partner is all over him when they are in front of the judges and with the hosts, and she’s right. I didn’t notice it until she pointed it out, but there is all kinds of gratuitous touching and hand holding going on during these moments. These are things I don’t need to see.
And speaking of things we need to see and not see, I’d like to see some of the actual dance moves, “Dancing With The Stars” camera crew. During Rachel Hunter’s intro in one of the last two episodes, the producers make sure we know about all these difficult moves she and her partner were adding to her routine. Then during the performance the cameras completely miss the moves and show us close-ups instead. WTF? I guess the guys that shoot the ACC basketball games for Raycom need some work during the offseason just like everybody else.
One final note: co-host Lisa Canning has got to go. She is so bad with the contestants. She asks the worst questions and seems to have no sense of timing at all. Lisa is the Dunkelman to Tom Bergeron’s Secrest and needs to be put out of her (and our) misery.
Stay tuned for that Destin post. Now if you’ll excuse me I need to go figure out how to keep the blizzog at the top of the Google rankings for “Evander Holyfield sex face” for another week. Work, work, work.
AG and I are off to Florida for a week. We’re going to be hanging out with our buddies Jeff, Shandra, Joel B, and Jennifer from Ohio. We’re taking the laptop so I’ll try to post a few while we’re there.
ABC premiered its summer reality show “Dancing With The Stars” last night, and of course Ashley and I watched it. It probably should’ve been called “Dancing With The C-List Stars” or “Dancing With The ‘Starz’”, but we won’t quibble over such small details. The basic premise is that six “celebrities“ are paired with a real-life professional dancer and the teams dance-fight throughout the summer to see who wins the dubious crown of, uh… I don’t know, “Best Dancer Out of Six Has-Beens” or something.
Last night they showed a little vignette about each contestant training with his or her partner and how hard it was learning to ballroom dance. My favorite part is that each of the celebs had their own little personal obstacle to overcome in order to give a good performance. For instance, Rachel Hunter had been sick leading up to the show and was just hoping not to throw up all over the place. Trista Sutter had a bad back and hoped she didn’t throw it out doing her dip. Joey McIntyre didn’t want to, uh, “look gay“. Too late, Joe. You lost me at “Hangin’ Tough”. (said the guy who was mistaken for Clay Aiken last week)
After each team’s vignette we got to see them dance live in front of the judges, who thus far are the best part of the show. I don’t know their names yet, so I’ll call them Asian Paula, British Guy, and French Guy. Asian Paula, like her Corey Clark lusting namesake, was basically nice to all the contestants except the hot chick from General Hospital. British Guy is an old smooth daddy and seemed to give good advice to everyone. French Guy is my favorite. He made these painful one-liners with each critique (to Joey: “I know you’ve been around ‘The Block’, but you were all around the dance floor on that performance“), made all the more comical since they were delivered with a French accent.
Here’s a quick handicap of the performances last night.
Joey McIntyre - Joey was paired up with this chick named Ashly who is hot for him since back in his NKOTB days. Given that Ashly is 22 years old, this is kinda creepy since she was about 6 years old during their heyday. Despite his fears about “looking gay“, Joey and Ashly did fine, and in my opinion were the best duo of the evening.
Rachel Hunter - This just in. Rachel Hunter is a giant. I can’t wait until next week when she lifts her partner up and spins him around over her head like in “Dirty Dancing“. She did a good job with her partner as well, though I bet he was tired after it was all over. Let’s just say he had a lot more to lug around than the other guys.
Evander Holyfield - This was sad to watch. It seems that Evander has taken one too many blows to the head through the years, as I only understood about one out of every three words he said during his vignette. He kept mentioning how he “seceded“ in boxing. I was not aware of the Great Boxing Civil War and how Evander separated himself from the mighty Union, but I’m not good on history. Despite his inability to communicate coherntly, Holyfield gave us the highlight of the night in what I can only describe as the “Real-Deal Holyfield Sex Face“. His dancing with his partner was not bad, but he had this skeevy look on his face the whole time where he kept licking his lips and grimacing while they cut a rug. Good times.
Kelly Monaco - I had never heard of her before, but AG is a big GH fan so she knew who she was. Kelly is pretty hot, but not much of a dancer. She had to overcome some inner ear problem from a scuba diving incident and bravely spin her way through the competition without falling down. Truly heart-wrenching stuff. Asian Paula blasted her though when it was over, telling her that she needed to look at her partner with more passion while they were dancing. This was hilarious to me, because I thought that’s the only thing soap actors knew how to do. Kelly and her partner received the lowest judge’s score of the night, so it will be up to the legions of GH groupies to save her.
John O’Hurley - Best known as J. Peterman from Seinfeld, John’s personal obstacle to overcome seemed to be “don’t die“. He looked exhausted after his performance and could barely get a word out. Let’s hope this doesn’t turn into “CPR With The Stars“.
Trista Sutter - Media whore Bachelorette Trista opened her vignette by saying people criticize her and other reality stars because all they want to do is be on TV. She went on to say she hopes that by being in the competition (on TV) people will start to take her seriously as a (TV) dancer. Riiiiggghttt. Trista’s trick back was able to stay in place long enough for her to get through her routine with her partner, who looks like this is the first work he’s had since being Super Macho Man in “Mike Tyson’s Punchout”. We were also treated to a shot of doting husband Ryan serveral times during the performance, making me wonder if Rachel Hunter and I both might be sick before the night was over.
AG commented that the production values of the show - from the graphics to the lighting to the music to the cheezy voiceover guy - are reminiscent of a TV special from the 80s, and I have to agree. All in all, this combination of old-school charm and silly premise is enough to make me want to keep watching for the rest of the summer. I know. Shocking.
I’m pretty sure I don’t want to see that movie now. Yecch.
