Left To Die

Great.  As if I didn’t have enough crap to worry about already.  Now there’s this.

Good times:  I’m more likely to be the President some day than most of you. 

Bad times: I’m more likely to be dead, depressed, or pissing myself than most of you.

The billzog

Last week the Seattle Times reported that Bill Gates could soon be starting his own blog.  I know that I personally cannot wait to hear what the world’s richest man thinks about “American Idol”, pirates, and reality TV.  You know…important stuff you write about on your blog?

Baby, I’m a Starr?

Okay, I know you’re not going to believe this, but AG and I watched our first ever episode of “The Surreal Life” on VH1 the other night as we were drifting off to sleep.  Seriously, it’s the first time either of us had ever seen it.  Apparently the WB did the first two seasons and now VH1 has picked up the third.  We were watching an episode from the second season where Traci Bingham, Ron Jeremy, Tammy Faye Baker, Trishelle Cannatella, Erik Estrada and Vanilla Ice were all forced to stay at a nudist colony for a day or two.  Good times.

Anyway, they point of this is that they were showing commercials for the new third season of the show, which starts on VH1 in July.  The housemates for this season are going to be Charo, actor/comedian Dave Coulier, hip-hop pioneer Flava Flav, one-time New Kids On The Block member Jordan Knight, former female action star Brigitte Nielsen, and first season American Idol finalist Ryan Starr.  Read that last one again.

AG and I would like to officially declare shenanigans on the inclusion of Ryan Starr as a “celebrity” on this show, especially on VH1.  VH1 has established itself as a safe-haven for solidly B-list celebrities to be “wacky” and “kooky” on shows such as “I Love The 80s” and “I Love the 70s”, and uh…. “I Love the 90s”.  Anyway, the talent is certainly B-List, but it is pure-bred B-List.  I think Ryan Starr is not quite up to the admittedly lowly bar that VH1 has set for itself.  Does being the 8th runner-up on “American Idol” two years ago really qualify you as a bona fide B-List celeb?  We think not.

We realize that someone needs to be the requisite “reality show hot chick”, but was nobody from “Baywatch: Hawaii” available?  What are you doing to us, VH1?  How can any of us now have faith in the integrity of “The Surreal Life, Season 3”?

Oh well.  I guess this will have to do until “Wife Swap” premieres. 

The Forecast…

….for the next few days is cloudy with only a slight chance of blizzog.  I’ve basically been laying off the computer as much as humanly possible until I get my new prescription for my glasses.  I’m getting these awful headaches right now and I’d rather avoid it if at all possible. 

The eye doctor called me today and told me that my new lenses were in, which was awesome.   I trucked right down to their office and waited FOREVER while they put them in.  I go to try them on and I can’t see out of them at all.  Long story short, the place they ordered them from sent the completely wrong prescription.  Even worse, they destroyed my old lenses while taking them out.  They of course are not the right prescription anyway, so who cares, right?  The only problem is that flawed as they are, they are still a million times better than using the PC without them, where I basically can’t do anything for more than 10 minutes or so without problems.

So my new lenses are wrong and my old lenses are destroyed.  They ended up grinding me a temporary pair that is of my new prescription but doesn’t have the glare protection goodness that makes all the difference when using them.  It turns out that these are actually worse than my old ones, so I’m screwed for right now.  They’re going to try to get the correct lenses in by Friday but odds are I’m going to have to wait until next Tuesday.  Bad times…

Anyway, that’s why I haven’t been posting lately.  I’m going to try to work a take or two in here tonight though before I sign off.

NBA Draft Quick Hits

Between nachos, some NewCastle, some cheese fries, and a girly drink I ordered called a Cherry Sour Bomb, Jigga and I took in the NBA Draft last night at a bar in Winston.  While I didn’t have time - nor the skillz of my man Bill Simmons - to write a full-blown draft diary, I did have time to collect a few thoughts on the night’s proceedings.

1. I would really love to see the TNT crew get the draft from now on.  I can’t tell you how much more entertaining things would’ve been last night with Charles Barkley as part of the show.  This must happen.
2. I started the evening by telling Jigga how much I liked Stephen A. Smith, then realized as the evening progressed how much I can’t stand Stephen A. Smith.  His delivery irritates me.  Why do you need to sound like Jesse Jackson to explain why Andre Iguodala was a better pick for Philadelphia than The Other White Guy Named Luke from Oregon?  Shut up!
3. I basically like Jay Bilas during the college season, but he had no business there last night.  He was such a jackass.  When Kris Humphries - former Dook signee who ended up going to Minnesota when it was clear K was not down with his plan to go pro this year - was drafted #14, Bilas made sure to let everyone know how much he needed to get away from his father and stop being such a selfish player.  I’m sure those digs had nothing to do with him stiffing the Blue Devils.  Ass.
4. Bilas was also no kinder when the travesty of the evening finally ended, and Jameer Nelson was finally drafted at #20.  As Nelson walked to the stage after being preceeded by a host of high school kids that have no business being ahead of him in the draft, Bilas started explaining to everyone how Okafor was the true National Player of The Year and he didn’t think Nelson deserved it.  Very classy, Jay.  Here is a very solid guy who has been somewhat embarassed this evening, and you basically throw daggers at him during one of the best moments of this life.   Ass.
5. Tom Tolbert reminds me of one of those guys I’d see at parties in college who were clearly once big athletes at whatever high school they went to…… and that was about it.  The chicks would sort of gravitate to him because he was kind of a big dude, but a close listen revealed that he never really had anything funny or interesting to say.  Tom Tolbert is that guy. 
6. The quote of the evening goes to prep star Josh Smith.  According to Jigga, this guy is basically a phenomenal athlete but that’s all.  He can’t really handle or shoot very well, but he’s super-fast and can jump out of the gym.  When Stuart Scott alluded to these criticisms and asked how he was going to avoid becoming a bust, Smith replied, “You know, I’ve been working with John Lucas in Atlanta.  I’ve gotta work on my dribbles, and get them right.“  Classic.  My dribbles have always been my shortcoming too, Josh. I feel your pain.  I especially need to get my right-handed dribbles right.  Good times.
7. I’m convinced that in a cost-saving move, ESPN parent company Disney has replaced NBA analyst David Aldridge with one of those Audio-Animatronics like they use in the Hall of Presidents or It’s A Small World at Disney World.  Every time they showed him last night it was in a very tight shot from the torso up and his skin was a little too perfect.  You couldn’t really see much of the room behind him either.  I’m pretty sure they just had the Aldrige droid’s top half sitting on a table with little wires coming out of his back that were hard-wired into the Internet.
8. Congratulations, Chris Duhon.  Your loyalty to Coach K has caused you to go from a sure-thing first-rounder three years ago to an unguarnteed shot at being one of 17 guards on the Chicago Bulls and most likely driving Jay Williams to rehab each morning.  I wouldn’t tell your mom to quit her “job“ in Durham just yet if I were you.  She does still get to keep it now that you’re not at Dook anymore, right?
9. Just because a guy drinks a Cherry Sour Bomb every now and then, that doesn’t make him a wuss, right?  Right?
10. Finally, I’m happy that the stupidly named Charlotte Bobcats picked up the wonderful Emeka Okafor.  He’s a solid character guy and I think he will blossom into a great NBA player.  This is just what this franchise needs to get off on the right foot.

Rhythm Nation

When people meet me in real life, a question I’m often asked is, “Jamie, just what is your favorite Janet Jackson song?” Having given it some considerable thought, I’d have to say that “Rhythm Nation” is my favorite Janet Jackson song. “Why?” you may ask. I say, “Why not?”

Rhythm Nation is a song with a social conscience.

With music by our side
To break the color lines
Let’s work together
To improve our way of life
Join voices in protest
To social injustice
A generation full of courage
Come forth with me

How can you not get with that?

Rhythm Nation is a song that you can shake your ass to. In fact, the best part of RN is the funky ass-shaking beat. It is certainly of “Crazy In Love” caliber…or should I say “Crazy In Love” is of “Rhythm Nation” caliber. That funky synth-bell thing they play during the chorus and at the end is pretty fresh (doo-doo-doo-duh, doh-duh) too. To boot, few videos beat “Rhythm Nation“ in sheer “people all getting behind me in straight lines while we all do the same dance“-ness. No. No they don’t.

The Rhythm Nation Era was not Janet at her hottest (that would be the next album with that dude holding her boobs - werd), but I think it was probably her at her musical best. I couldn’t really get with the black private military style gear plus baseball cap that everyone was wearing in the video either. Wasn’t that a fashion trend for about a month or two after that? Yeech. You can’t say Janet isn’t hot during this era, because she at this point is emerging from the baby fat Janet era, but she’s a mere shell of the Janet hottiness that is to come.

In summation, “Rhythm Nation” is my favorite Janet Jackson song because of its magical combination of social commentary + phat beats + that synth-bell thinger + “people all getting behind me in straight lines while we all do the same dance“-ness + post baby fat - (private military gear + baseball cap).

Not-so-Instant Messaging

Isn’t chatting with someone on IM that types slowly like trying to have a conversation with someone that has a stuttering problem?   Externally you’re calm and cool, exuding patience and reserve as you wait for the person to finish the thought.  But internally you are screaming “JUST SAY IT!!!!” as you wait for the sentence to end.

The typing indicator on today’s IM programs has that same effect on me.  MSN Messenger will tell you that “SlowGuy is typing you a message….” while that person is typing.  If the person you’re chatting with is a slow typist, staring at this indicator is the IM equivalent of having someone say “Uhhhh… ummmm…. uhhhh….” to you 100 times while they are trying to get their point across to you.

This is the worst when you are trying to use IM to get an answer to a very simple question, which is one of the best uses for IM.  I fall into the following trap at least once a week….

Jamie: Whazzup?  You busy?
(wait a few seconds)
MSN Messenger: SlowGuy is typing you a message…..
(wait about 30 seconds)
MSN Messenger: SlowGuy is typing you a message…..
(wait about 15 more seconds)
SlowGuy: No.  What’s up with you?

Did it really take you 45 seconds to type this out?  What is that, like 7 words per minute?  I know there’s some lag with these things, but still.  Let’s be generous and say that 15 seconds of that was lag.  That’s still only 10 words per minute!  Come on, buddy.  You can do better than that.

I wish MSN Messenger had that custom away message like AIM does (or used to).  I would change mine to “Jamie may not reply to you because his or her status is set to ‘Hung myself in my cube wondering why you didn’t take typing class in high school.’” 

To be fair, I may not be SlowGuy on IM but I am certainly CantSpellGuy.  Chatting with SlowGuy may be like talking to Stuttering John but chatting with me on IM is like talking to….well, me, but with a few too many Captain N’ Cokes in me: difficult, uncomfortable, and completely incomprehensible.

Bad Boys II

I’d like to send a quick shout-out to the Detroit Pistons for winning the NBA championship last week and actually making me somewhat interested in The Finals for the first time in about 5 years.  If all teams played team defense like Detroit did the NBA would be much more enjoyable to watch.

I know what you’re thinking.  That chick Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas is hot, but that’s not what we’re talking about right now.  So back to what you were also thinking: “Great, if everyone played team defense like the Pistons all NBA games would be 63-59.  Really awesome, Jamie.  Jerk.”  I actually don’t think that would happen - at least not in the long-term.  I think if more teams played a solid team defense, then teams would be forced to counter with something the Lakers obviously couldn’t: a solid team offense.  Finally, we would be free from the “give it to Option #1 or #2 and let them go one-on-one or one-on-three“ offense that has weakened the NBA product over the past 12 years.

I think Larry Brown is one of the best basketball coaches ever, and he proved why in this series against the Lakers.  He threw a defense at them that he knew they couldn’t handle because they were the Lakers.  The Lakers had the talent to beat the Pistons hands down, but they did not have the will to play the kind of basketball necessary to beat them at their own game.  They could not get over their “give it to Kobe or Shaq and get out of the way” mentality and it cost them the championship.  We won’t even get started on how overrated Phil Jackson is as a basketball tactician.

Anyway, back to my theory.  If team defenses like the brand the Pistons just displayed became more prevalent, I think team offenses would become better.  We would start to see the re-emergence of the two kind of guys that really make a basketball game flow: a guy who can move without the ball and a guy who can shoot a dead-eye medium range jumper.  These are skills that most NBA players today simply do not possess, and the game suffers as a result.

Of course I’m not naive enough to think that this will become the norm anytime soon.  I’m sure that we’ll be back to the same old crap this fall.  But until then I’ll enjoy the memory of this improbable Pistons run.  Thanks fellas.  There should be more like you.

Eyesore

I haven’t really been posting a lot lately because my eyes are all screwed up.  Remember how I got glasses last year and said I was really reluctant to get them because once you do you’re eyes start to go downhill?   Well, here we are.  I’ve been getting really bad headaches for the past few weeks when I’m in front of the computer screen for any length of time…which of course for me is every day. 

I was all crazy dizzy and disoriented at work last week it was so bad.  They gave me a better monitor which has helped some.  The earliest eye appointment I could get is Wednesday, so hopefully that will take care of it.  I’m worried that I’m going to start having to wear them all the time now.  That would suck.

I’m coming back soon….

I don’t know if that’s a promise or a threat.  :) 

Sorry for the lack of blizzog-y goodness recently.  I have been a bit under the weather recently, but that has passed. 

Hilarity will ensue again soon….or something.