Back to The Future
We’re leaving for The Motherland - that’s Ohio, by the way - in about a half hour. Tomorrow is my 10-year high school reunion. It should be quite interesting. I will have a full report when I return.
Posts from August 2003
The O.C.
So you knew that I’ve been watching The O.C., right? I’m hooked. Nice little fish-out-of-water premise. Hot chicks. Etc. Good times.
My favorite characters are the son, Seth, and the dad, whatshisface. I like how Seth is kinda goofy and awkward yet still has his own bitter perspective on everthing. I also like how the dad is essentially an older version of the main character, Ryan, offering his quips on things about the OC tha Ryan still hasn’t learned on his own.
I think this is a pretty well-written show to boot. They’ve got a lot of neat little storylines going on so far between Ryan getting used to his new environment to the love triangle to Seth coming out of his shell to the mom’s involvement with the guy next door and his embezzling. That’s good stuff.
I also like how they aren’t quite ready to make Luke the Evil Boyfriend into the stereotypical Evil Boyfriend. It would’ve been pretty boring of him just to be the guy that wants to beat up Ryan all the time, but they’ve mixed it up with him saving him from the fire and actually listening to Ryan when he told her that Marissa had picked Luke, and not him.
So here’s what I don’t like. One, I don’t need these stupid AOL-sponsored videos during the commercial breaks. Who the hell is this Thicke guy anyway? Is this Alan’s son? I’ve seen this guy on a Sprite commercial and this AOL bit and I’ve never heard a note of his music? I suspect that this is the next Alien Ant Farm being shoved down our throats by The Man.
Problem Two: the casting of Ryan. He’s playing a 16 year-old and the dude is like 25 in real life. Don’t get me wrong, I think this guy is a really good actor and does a great job. However, I think this is going to backfire on the show in Season 3 when he’s supposed to be a senior in high school but he pulls a Dylan McKay and looks 35.
Whatever. I can get over all of this long enough to enjoy what so far has been a really entertaining show.
Bad Ham
I have loved Weird Al ever since I was a kid. NPR did a cool interview with him last week about how he got started. In essence, he said he liked to make up alternate words to songs as a kid and just never grew out of it.
I love doing stuff like that and have always thought that I could write a good parody song if I put my mind to it. Maybe someday I’ll get off my keester and do it, but until then I can just idolize my good buddy Gangsta Jeffro. You may know him better as Jeff Turner, my friend, business partner, insufferable State Fan, and publisher of the Internet’s Jeff Turner.net.
Jeff actually wrote, produced, and recorded a parody song a few years ago called “Bad Ham” solely for the purpose of making fun of his brother, publisher of the Internet’s MarkTurner.net You should download Bad Ham (~3MB) and have a listen. It’s good times.
Since we at the Blizzog thought this was so cool, we decided to sit down with Gangsta Jeffro himself for our first Blizzog Artist Profile.
What is the story behind the creation of “Bad Ham”? It has something to do with your brother, Mark, right?
Right. It was back during Hurricane Fran. Mark had a “Hurricane Party” at this apartment. We had a few drinks and hung out in the dark. The next morning we were all a little rough, but Mark especially, which is completely out of character for him. So we asked him what was wrong and he said the ham he had last night must have been bad because he wasn’t feeling too well. So naturally we teased him about it for a while.
When did you do this? How long did it take you?
I guess Fran was in 1996 so this would have been 97. Mark had a “Hurricane Party Anniversary Party”, so I thought it would be funny to write up a song to make fun of him at his party. The whole thing took about 2 weeks. I tweaked the lyrics throughout but the actual recording only took a few days.
This was back before you could download almost anything off the Internet in MP3 format. How did you arrive at using “Mo Money, Mo Problems” for your parody? Where did you get the instrumental version?
Yeah, that was a popular song at the time, and it was easy to put almost anything you wanted into the chorus, so it just kind of flowed. Rap singles usually had the instrumental versions as the “B” side (or the other track on the CD) so I picked one up at Sam Goodys, cause you know, Sam Goodys got it. Heh. Sam Goodys.
How exactly did you record this? Was it all done on the computer?
No, man I wish. It was all done on a Tascam 4-track recorder from my band days. I also used a Delay/Reverb effects pedal to simulate my three fine looking background singers. If I had the tools I have today, there’s no telling how far this would have gone. Tens of people might have heard it!
Do you think you have another parody in you some day?
Absolutely. I’m always looking for opportunities to make fun of someone. It makes me feel better about myself.
Do you think that if I did a parody too we could team up and have a hit record on the Slim-G Entertainment label?
Only if we could do a “East Carolina” vs “West Carolina” (or Mid-Carolina I guess) thing and end up shooting each other. I might also be interested in becoming the Suge Knight of your Slim-G label.
What’s in your refridgerator right now?
Lots of stuff, but no ham. I stopped eating ham because it can make you sick. I stay away from it like Dan Cortese from acting lessons.
How many times a day do you watch Scarface?
Not enough. I actually have been looking for it on DVD just in case MTV stops by. I have the Godfather box set, so hopefully that’s good enough. That and I have a bunch of “Cheaters” on Tivo.
Is there any truth to the rumor that you once dated Lil’ Kim?
No, actually that’s not true. She thought I said “will you go with me” on the bus one day but I really said “can I have some of your Nerds” and she got really mad at me when she found out we weren’t an item. Her Dad was a painter and her Mom worked at the Harris Teeter. Little Kim Mooneyham. She was kind of dorky, but in a nice way. That’s the one you’re talking about, right? How do you know her?
What is your favorite Weird Al song?
It’s a toss up. I love “All about the Pentiums” being a computer guy, but I also gotta give it up to “Can’t Watch This” and “Here’s Johnny.” Actually my favorite might the one you turned me onto — “This is the Life”, from Johnny Dangerously. That’s a great song.
Gangsta Jeffro’s latest album, Did I Say That Out Loud? will be available this fall.
It’s Not Nearly As Bad As “The Shocker”
From the Shocking News Department: An assistant high school football coach has been fired….errrr, resigned…. after allegedly forcing a player’s head into a puddle of spit on the ground during a “drill” called “The Cockroach”.
Thanks But No Thanks
I think the last thing that Kobe needs right now is Mike Tyson defending him.
Sweet Home Alabama?
I can’t let this issue with the Alabama Chief Justice and the Ten Commandments monument pass without comment. Since I got in so much trouble the last time I commented on a religion vs. government matter, I’ll try to explain this as plainly as I can.
First, I guess I’ll lay out my religious background so you can see where I am coming from. I was raised a Christian and still consider myself one, albeit a flawed one. I was baptized in the Lutheran church and then later converted to the Methodist church. I really do not attend church all that often anymore. It’s not because I hate God or don’t believe or any of those things anymore. It’s more of a time issue than anything else. I just really really like sleeping in on Sunday.
I dig on most of the teachings of Christianity. I think in general that its basic messages are a good template for living a moral life. I think the institution of the church can be one of the greatest social structures ever when it comes to helping people cope in a time of need. I know that my family has personally benefitted from the benevolence and generosity of those in our church. From my father’s near-fatal heart attack in 1988 to my mother’s numerous back surgeries over the past 12 years, the members of our church have been a bedrock of love and support that I will never ever forget.
The one area that I’ve always had a problem with is the evangelical aspects of the faith. It has always been my understanding that it is part of your Christian duty to preach the word of God to any and everyone who will listen. This has always been a squeamish area for me. As I’ve stated, I can get with most of Christianity. I just have a hard time forcing it upon other people.
I honestly don’t know much if anything about Islam / Judaism / Buddhism / Atheism / etc. I’ve always felt that it was not my place to tell someone that what they believed was wrong and that they should come into the Jesus fold, especially when I know next to nothing about what they believe. That just seems like such a personal thing. I’ve always felt like I should just live my life the best way I know how, and if anyone ever wants to ask me about my faith then I’ll be happy to talk about it. Otherwise, I feel safest keeping my beliefs to myself.
I guess my way of thinking has always made me feel like somewhat of a flawed Christian. I mean, I feel like I’ve drank the Kool-Aid, but I’m just not ready to offer it to anyone else. You know?
I think that it is my personal squeamishness with the evangelical side of Christianity that really gets my dander up when a case like the one with this Alabama guy comes up. I guess I feel like that if I’m not personally comforatable promoting my religion over someone else’s then my government sure as hell should not be doing it either.
That’s what I feel like is happening here in Alabama. Justice Roy Moore is most certainly a solid Christian man, and God bless him. I fully support him in his devotion to the Christian faith. But at the same time, I support my co-worker Sekar in his devotion to the Hindu faith and my Jewish friends in their devotion to Judaism and so on.
I just feel like when a person in an influential government position uses the powers of that position to promote a certain religion then an injustice has occured. This is a nation that was founded by people who were seeking to avoid religious persecution back in Europe. I’m not suggesting that Justice Moore’s devotion to Christianity directly persecutes Jews, Muslims and those of other faiths. However, I do think that his endorsement of a monument to a Christian ideal in a state-supported institution sends an indirect message that other religions are not as important as Christianity. I just feel like that is not really in the American spirit and it bothers me.
Some of you hardcore religious types are going to hate me for this, but think of this issue this way. What if Justice Moore had instead ordered a 2-ton monument to the L.A. Lakers to be placed in the state judicial building? Do you think there would be massive amounts of people camping outside the building in vigils to support him in his quest to keep the monument there? Probably not. And why? That’s because most people in Alabama could give a rat’s ass about the Lakers. It would be Justice Moore’s personal preference of the Lakers that kept the monument there, and not the will of the people - ALL of the people - whose tax dollars pay for the monument.
I view this as kind of the same thing. I’m not trying to compare Christians to NBA fans so bear with me here. As a government agent, Justice Moore is essentially speaking for the government in his choice of promoting Christianity over other religions by giving the Ten Commandments monument a place of prominence in the state judicial building. Just like Justice Moore should not be able to decide what NBA team gets honored in the building, nor should he be able to decide what religion gets honored.
I’ve just always felt like America was a place to come for people whose governments always told them that they had to love the Lakers and no other team. It seems to me that in America our government should be in the business of promoting an environment where you can like whatever team you want, not spending our collective tax money telling us that we should like only one.
I’m not sure if my good friend Kris is reading the blizzog anymore or not, but I would love your feedback on this. This is how I honestly feel about this issue and I’d welcome a discussion on it starting with whatever any of you would like to say. I especially would like to hear from those of you that I know are devoted church-goers yet still find yourself reading the pagan ramblings of the blizzog. 
Seriously, I know this is a tender subject for everyone but I’d love to know what you guys think.
Wang Chung
I’m working on a project right now at a nameless Fortune 500 company. My project team used to be on the 4th floor of our building, which was predominantly female. I should note that there is only one bathroom per floor in this facility. Recently all of the tech people have been moved to the same (2nd) floor.
Since as you know most IT people are dudes, there is a huge sausage-fest in the bathroom at all hours of the day. It’s bad enough that this bathroom has only four stalls and four urinals for roughly 300 guys. The bigger problem is that some Units there do not have a common understanding of men’s room etiquette.
The first rule of men’s room ettiquette is this: unless you are really good friends with the other dude or are hammered at a bar, you don’t talk to that dude in the bathroom unless you are both at the sink. If you and your buddy are pissing in the trough at the basketball game and talking about the hot chicks sitting behind you, that’s one thing. If your draining it after lunch and Bob from Accounts Receivable who you barely know from Adam asks you “What’s up?”, that’s a whole new ball game.
Don’t talk to me, Bob. Especially if we are two feet apart with our johnsons hanging out. And… oh no… this brings me to the all-important Rule #2 of men’s room etiquette.
Don’t ever, EVER, turn your head away from the wall when you’re at the urinal with other dudes. Even if you’re purely making eye contact. No dice. That’s a slippery slope, my friend. You are looking at the nicely grouted tile in front of your pissing ass, nothing else, get it?
That’s the problem at the place that I work. I drink water all day long because it’s good for you and it’s free at the water cooler that is 20 feet from my desk. This means that I am in the bathroom roughly six times a day. At least two of those times someone I know - only vaguely through work, mind you - will come up to me while I’m pissing and be like, “Hey, Jamie. What’s up?”
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
Do not talk to me. I am pissing. You are pissing. That’s it. No talkie. Ever. This is a No-Talk Zone. Embrace it, Bob.
The worst is “No-Sense-Of-Personal-Space Guy”. As I stated earlier, there are 4 urinals on the 2nd floor where I work. If I’m the first guy in there, I always pick urinal #1. It’s closest to the sink and allows me to get the hell out of Dodge as quickly as possible when I’m done. When No-Sense-Of-Personal-Space Guy comes into the john after you, he invariably picks urinal #2 and asks about the TPS reports while he whips the willy out.
This is the absolute worst. He’s breaking rule #1 and #2 right off the bat by talking to and looking at you. Also, he broke men’s room etiquette rule number 3: thou shalt allow for at least one empty urinal between you and the dude next to you unless you are piss-drunk at a bar or you REALLY have to piss and there is just no alternative.
Come on, No-Sense-Of-Personal-Space Guy. Get with the program! For Christ’s sake, there are tests you can take to practice this stuff on the web. Jeez.
Does anyone else feel me on this? Am I missing any other rules?
If this keeps up, I’m just going to have to keep a cup under my desk.
No Slackers
There’s an interesting article this morning in the Greensboro paper about a local kid who has had his admission to UNC-Chapel Hill revoked and how he is suing them to be re-instated. This guy scored 1600 on his SAT, did well in all kinds of AP tests, yada-yada-yada, but his GPA slipped from 3.8 to 3.5 his senior year. Why? His senior year GPA: 1.3.
Essentially this kid got accepted early and then blew off his senior year. I don’t feel the slightest bit sorry for him at all. I got accepted early at Carolina too and my letter told me that my acceptance was contingent upon me maintaining my academic performance throughout my senior year.
I did just that, and so did all the other people that I got accepted with who joined me as freshmen. I will be really irritated if this kid wins his lawsuit. It will be unfair to all of the other people that have done what was asked of them when they were admitted to Carolina.
Besides, there are plenty of other schools around for kids that couldn’t get into Carolina anyway, right? 
Bowling For Dollars
We ended up taking 2nd place last night in our bowling league. I got two crisp hundies for my efforts, which essentially paid for the league this summer. Not too shabby. I also got a dope keychain for “Most Improved Average”. The fall season starts in two weeks. I gotta start working out.
