After almost eight years, President Bush has finally done something that I agree with. His speech last night to the American people regarding the proposed $700 billion bailout of the financial industry was the kind of reassuring, plain-spoken explanation that this nation needed in order to understand the depth of this problem and help put us on the path to a solution.
Of course, I’m lying. His speech apparently messed up another ridiculous display of stupid David Blaine “magic”. How could I not approve of that? Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha, you suck, David Blaine.
If you had been thinking about giving US Women’s Gymnastics captain Alicia Sacramone shit for choking and taking the Americans out of gold medal contention in the team competition the other day – and you’d be super lame if you were – then you better think again.
Peep this video of her knocking some frat boy the F out at what appears to be a party at Brown University where she goes to school.
Pretty bad ass, right? It’s hard to say whether she really knocked him out or if he was just faking it or was just hammered and this was going to happen anyway.
Either way, I don’t think I’d be inviting a world-class athlete to punch me in the face as hard as possible, chick or not. Way to think it through, Skyler.
I covered this a long time ago, but the mountain climber guy on the “Price is Right” used to scare me when I was a little kid, and it still kinda creeps me out today. It was always a combination of how weird the dude looked and the other-worldly yodeling that accompanied his ascent up the mountain.
I would have nightmares where I’d start hearing the yodeling and then the guy would be next to me in my room. It creeps me out even writing about it now.
But over the years I’ve managed to reduce my fear by mainly getting a job that forces me to work during “The Price is Right” – and you thought I worked for the money – and steeling myself against the bone-chilling grip of the mountain guy’s siren song on those rare occasions where I happen to catch the show and they play the game.
Though these tactics have worked for years, now they are apparently not enough. The creepy mountain climber guy has raised the stakes. Today I log into my Facebook account – yeah, I’m on there. so what? friend me, bitches – and what do I find my boy Jamie Babb has posted to his wall?
This…
That’s messed up, right? Now I have to work to stay away from “The Price is Right” during the day and to pay for years of therapy to get over this. Thanks, Babb.
A French university has released a study concluding what I have long suspected: you should never, ever, under any circumstances mess with me because – as a left-hander – I will kick your ass.
The study says that we southpaws have the advantage in brawlin’. It also says we have the advantage in fencing, tennis, and baseball; three sports which I of course never took up. Way to think it through, Jamie.
No, instead I had to play basketball. Spoiler: I always dribble to my left because I have no handle. Spoiler #2: If going to the left doesn’t work, I go to the left some more. It’s true. Ask Jigga.
So back to this ass-kickin’ thing: If you look past the fact that this report on fighting was conducted by a French university and that I’m more likely to defend myself in a fight by hoping my opponent won’t want to hit a guy in the back as he’s running away and crying like a little girl, then I think it’s safe to conclude that I’m a friggin’ bad-ass and you should step the hell off.
Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to Dick’s Sporting Goods to buy a racket, a catcher’s mitt, a foil, a croissard, a plastron, and a mask.
