After almost eight years, President Bush has finally done something that I agree with. His speech last night to the American people regarding the proposed $700 billion bailout of the financial industry was the kind of reassuring, plain-spoken explanation that this nation needed in order to understand the depth of this problem and help put us on the path to a solution.
Of course, I’m lying. His speech apparently messed up another ridiculous display of stupid David Blaine “magic”. How could I not approve of that? Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha, you suck, David Blaine.
If you had been thinking about giving US Women’s Gymnastics captain Alicia Sacramone shit for choking and taking the Americans out of gold medal contention in the team competition the other day - and you’d be super lame if you were - then you better think again.
Peep this video of her knocking some frat boy the F out at what appears to be a party at Brown University where she goes to school.
Pretty bad ass, right? It’s hard to say whether she really knocked him out or if he was just faking it or was just hammered and this was going to happen anyway.
Either way, I don’t think I’d be inviting a world-class athlete to punch me in the face as hard as possible, chick or not. Way to think it through, Skyler.
I covered this a long time ago, but the mountain climber guy on the “Price is Right” used to scare me when I was a little kid, and it still kinda creeps me out today. It was always a combination of how weird the dude looked and the other-worldly yodeling that accompanied his ascent up the mountain.
I would have nightmares where I’d start hearing the yodeling and then the guy would be next to me in my room. It creeps me out even writing about it now.
But over the years I’ve managed to reduce my fear by mainly getting a job that forces me to work during “The Price is Right” - and you thought I worked for the money - and steeling myself against the bone-chilling grip of the mountain guy’s siren song on those rare occasions where I happen to catch the show and they play the game.
Though these tactics have worked for years, now they are apparently not enough. The creepy mountain climber guy has raised the stakes. Today I log into my Facebook account - yeah, I’m on there. so what? friend me, bitches - and what do I find my boy Jamie Babb has posted to his wall?
This…
That’s messed up, right? Now I have to work to stay away from “The Price is Right” during the day and to pay for years of therapy to get over this. Thanks, Babb.
A French university has released a study concluding what I have long suspected: you should never, ever, under any circumstances mess with me because - as a left-hander - I will kick your ass.
The study says that we southpaws have the advantage in brawlin’. It also says we have the advantage in fencing, tennis, and baseball; three sports which I of course never took up. Way to think it through, Jamie.
No, instead I had to play basketball. Spoiler: I always dribble to my left because I have no handle. Spoiler #2: If going to the left doesn’t work, I go to the left some more. It’s true. Ask Jigga.
So back to this ass-kickin’ thing: If you look past the fact that this report on fighting was conducted by a French university and that I’m more likely to defend myself in a fight by hoping my opponent won’t want to hit a guy in the back as he’s running away and crying like a little girl, then I think it’s safe to conclude that I’m a friggin’ bad-ass and you should step the hell off.
Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to Dick’s Sporting Goods to buy a racket, a catcher’s mitt, a foil, a croissard, a plastron, and a mask.
We just got back from a kick-ass weekend in Ohio celebrating Ashley’s birthday with family and friends. (Save your “‘kick-ass Ohio weekend’ is an oxymoron” cracks, you wiseacres.) I’m way behind on posting pictures of our various adventures on my Flickr account, so I’ll try to get some stuff up soon for those that have been asking for it.
Until then, I’ll tide you over with this story. I’m catching up on my various email accounts today, and I come to a thread titled “PCB” on my Gmail account that has about 7 messages in it. This is the first message, sent to me and about seven other people.
Hi! So it sounds like everyone needs to be home on by Monday… So that works out great!
Do we know the final count that is coming? I know Jamie Gaines, Vince and Matt are now coming too. Is Molly?
The keys to the place are getting sent to matt’s house this week. I will get everyone directions. What time do ya’ll want to leave next Thursday? I fly home that day, so will get on whatever flight is convenient for our departure. Also, what time do we start that Friday?
Enough questions for now… I’m sure I’ll think of more soon! Oh, as far as food, should we just make a big list and buy groceries there? I know we sill have over a week, but am so excited!
At this point I’m pretty excited too. I’m clearly getting ready to go on another trip, which is always fun. The only problem is that I have no idea who the hell any of these people are.
It became clear pretty quickly that these nice folks had mistaken my email address for some other Jamie Gaines who gets to go on a fun trip next weekend. Lucky other Jamie Gaines.
The rest of the emails are all from various people in the list regarding what time they are getting to the rental place and what time they are going home, etc. Once I figured out that I wasn’t being spammed or Punk’d, I wrote this message back to the group.
Hi, there.
I have no idea who any of you people are. I think you have my email address confused with that of some other Jamie Gaines, who is apparently going on a cool vacation with you soon.
As much as I would like to go, you should probably send your emails to the real Jamie Gaines - well, at least your real Jamie Gaines - so he or she can go on this fun trip. Otherwise I’m going to show up, which would be pretty awkward at first seeing how none of us have ever met.
Perhaps your Jamie Gaines’ email address is [an email address kinda like mine]@gmail.com, and not [my email address]@gmail.com like mine is.
Oh, well. Have fun on your trip!
- “The Other” Jamie Gaines
So then I get back this response from one of the girls on the list.
Wow….Another Jamie Gaines?! I don’t know if the world is ready for that!
So….Are you single?
This is getting interesting. This girl sounds hot. Of course, I think that about all girls who ask if I’m single. That may sound like shallow praise until you consider that the only time I get asked if I’m single anymore is when I’m filling out a credit application, so this is special.
Anyway, sensing from the emails that this is a fun group of people pretty much like my friends, I sent one more response back.
I know. I was just as shocked as you to learn of this other Jamie Gaines, though I think the world can probably handle both of us. After all, you can never have too many devastatingly attractive, utterly hilarious, and extremely intelligent people to hang out with, and I’m sure your Jamie Gaines must be all those things. How could he (or she) not be? By the way, is your Jamie a guy or a girl? I’m a guy Jamie.
And, alas… I am married, but my wife loves to travel also and I’m sure that y’all would just love her. I’ll see if she wants to go on our trip. We live in Greensboro, North Carolina. Since I Google-stalked all of your email addresses earlier to make sure I wasn’t being Punk’d, I’m guessing that most of you live in Atlanta, a relatively short drive from our house.
We have a bunch of friends in Atlanta, so I’ll make sure I let you know when we’re coming to visit next time. We can throw back some drinks, plan our next fabulous vacation together, and find out if a bar will explode with awesomeness from the sheer power of two Jamie Gaines’ in one place, as I’ve long suspected it would.
Have fun on our trip. You’ll have to send me some pictures so I know how much fun we had. I’ll post them on my blog at… you guessed it: www.JamieGaines.com - and tell everyone about what a killer time I had with my new best friends from Atlanta.
Enjoy your vacation, and thanks for the chuckle on an otherwise lame Monday.
- “The Other” Jamie Gaines
Anyway, I thought this was all pretty humorous. Jamie as a first name and Gaines as a last name aren’t terribly common, and the two together are even less common, so I’ve always thought it would be interesting to meet someone who shared my name.
Maybe someday I’ll get to meet the ATL JG. Come to think of it, I should start trying to track down all the Jamie Gaines’. We could start our own club. Now I definitely don’t think the world is ready for that.
We live in Greensboro, North Carolina. Since I Google-stalked all of your email addresses earlier to make sure I wasn’t being Punk’d, I’m guessing that most of you live in Atlanta, a relatively short drive from our house. 