the blizzog @ the movies: Bad Boys II

The power went out at the place I was working today around 12:30. We waited around for an hour and they finally told us to get lost. I had plenty of packing and other stuff I could be doing – we’re moving next Monday – but I decided to treat myself to a movie instead. The Blizzog took in the 2:15 showing of Bad Boys II at The Grande here in Greensboro and we thought we’d let you know what we thought about it.

I read the reviews. CNN hated it, but then again they hate everything. The Miami Herald thinks it is quite possibly the worst movie of the year.

What does the Blizzog think? If you’re willing to check your brain at the door this might be the best action movie ever made. Read on.

Is this movie violent? Hell yes it is. It’s probably one of the most graphic mainstream movies I’ve seen in some times. Lots of slow-mo shots of people getting shot in the head, being blown to pieces, etc. This movie basically has no respect for humanity whatsoever. If you can deal with that, then keep reading.

Is the plot any good? Hell no it’s not. As the Miami Herald reviewer says, it’s your typical “cop v. bad drug kingpin” formula. Some bad-ass Ecstasy dealer is smuggling X into Miami $150 million worth at a time, but the Miami PD can’t touch him. Every time they try to arrest him he sues them and wins. Mike Lowery (pronounced Ma-hike Lawh-ray for those who don’t know our boy, Lee Lawh-ray, and played by Will Smith) and Marcus Whatisface (Martin Lawrence) are back again as the partners on the Miami PDs TNT (Tactical Narcotics Unit) squad.

Mike is still the brash, living-on-the-edge, trust fund baby and Marcus is still the neurotic family man. The love interest this time is played by the hot and talented Gabrielle Union as Marcus’ sister Sidney. Sidney works for the DEA out of NYC and is hot on the trail of Captain Ecstasy in Miami. Marcus is in therapy and is ready to ditch Mike as his partner because he can’t take the stress of the job anymore.

That’s about as much plot as you get. The movie basically goes like this. Funny whup-ass scene. Cut to drug kingpin being bad ass. Cut to Marcus at home with family and sister and Mike. Cut to drug kingpin being bad ass. Car chase. Mike and Marcus fight but it’s funny. Car chase. Stuff blows up. Cut to drug kingpin being bad ass. Car chase. Stuff blows up. Cut to drug kingpin being bad ass. More funny fighting. The chief yells at Mike and Marcus for making his life difficult because internal affairs is up his ass. Cut to drug kingpin being bad ass. Car chase. Stuff blows up. Sidney is captured by drug king pin. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

So we’ve already established that this move is ultra-violent and the plot is only so-so. Is it funny? In parts, yes. The hands-down funniest part of the movie is when Marcus and Mike shake down the poor 15 year-old kid who comes to take Marcus’ daughter on her first date. Will Smith and Martin Lawrence are more like real people here being their funny selves instead of the cartoons they portray in the rest of the movie.

I’m not sure what it is, but I really can’t get used to Will Smith saying “n*gger” and calling people “motherfucker” like he does all over the place in this movie. It just doesn’t jive with my “Indepenence Day / Parents Just Don’t Understand” image I have of Will. Ma-hike Lawh-ray is a bit more asshole than he is lovable in this movie and I don’t know if I love it.

Alright. To re-cap, this movie is violent, the plot is whatever, and it’s kinda funny. How’s the soundtrack? It is great. The music completely keeps this 2-hour 26 minute thriller moving. When you’re not hearing the tracks from the P. Diddy produced soundtrack you are hearing original cuts from the one and only Dr. Dre. (An aside here: Not that anyone needs to be told this, but Dr. Dre will end up being the Quincy Jones of our time. The man is a producing wizard.)

It’s time for my final verdict here, and this is where it gets interesting. I will fully admit to anyone that this movie’s plot is sub-par and that it is only funny at certain times. Having said that, if you are looking for a pure blow-shit-up-and-throw-in-some-whup-azz-and-screw-you-if-you-don’t-like-it thrill ride, then this movie is it. In terms of pure action and whupass – plot excluded – this is probably one of the best action movies ever made. No kidding.

If you’re looking for clever and action-packed, rent The Bourne Identity or Mission Impossible. If you’re looking for mindless and rock you off your ass, go see Bad Boys II.