Not-so-Instant Messaging

Isn’t chatting with someone on IM that types slowly like trying to have a conversation with someone that has a stuttering problem?   Externally you’re calm and cool, exuding patience and reserve as you wait for the person to finish the thought.  But internally you are screaming “JUST SAY IT!!!!” as you wait for the sentence to end.

The typing indicator on today’s IM programs has that same effect on me.  MSN Messenger will tell you that “SlowGuy is typing you a message….” while that person is typing.  If the person you’re chatting with is a slow typist, staring at this indicator is the IM equivalent of having someone say “Uhhhh… ummmm…. uhhhh….” to you 100 times while they are trying to get their point across to you.

This is the worst when you are trying to use IM to get an answer to a very simple question, which is one of the best uses for IM.  I fall into the following trap at least once a week….

Jamie: Whazzup?  You busy?
(wait a few seconds)
MSN Messenger: SlowGuy is typing you a message…..
(wait about 30 seconds)
MSN Messenger: SlowGuy is typing you a message…..
(wait about 15 more seconds)
SlowGuy: No.  What’s up with you?

Did it really take you 45 seconds to type this out?  What is that, like 7 words per minute?  I know there’s some lag with these things, but still.  Let’s be generous and say that 15 seconds of that was lag.  That’s still only 10 words per minute!  Come on, buddy.  You can do better than that.

I wish MSN Messenger had that custom away message like AIM does (or used to).  I would change mine to “Jamie may not reply to you because his or her status is set to ‘Hung myself in my cube wondering why you didn’t take typing class in high school.’” 

To be fair, I may not be SlowGuy on IM but I am certainly CantSpellGuy.  Chatting with SlowGuy may be like talking to Stuttering John but chatting with me on IM is like talking to….well, me, but with a few too many Captain N’ Cokes in me: difficult, uncomfortable, and completely incomprehensible.