More “Dancing With The Stars”

“Dancing With The Stars” continues to amuse me, and judging by my traffic over the past couple weeks it’s doing the same for many of you as well.  We missed the second and third episodes because of vacation and other commitments, but managed to catch up on Tivo this weekend.  A few brief observations….

I was so glad to see Trista get voted off.  Guess what, honey?  America hates you.  How lame was it that she got all uncomfortable dancing the rhumba with Mr. Macho Man, errr… Louie?  I didn’t really get the impression that Trista was Louie’s cup of tea anyway. (Hint: I think Louie’s cup of tea is Dude)  Kudos to Louie for keeping his cool when Trista brought in Whipped Ryan and their little shit dog to approve the forbidden dance.  How far has Ryan fallen on the cool meter?  This guy is a firefighter for crying out loud.  She’s reduced him to nothing.  Ryan is your sensitive, but cool friend who marries the manipulative chick and is never the same again.  I’m pouring some out for him now.

I don’t know much about dancing, but I do know that Joey McIntyre’s rendition of the quickstep reminded me more of the Kentucky Derby than ballroom dancing.  He rode his FanGirl partner Ashly from one end of the dance floor to the other like they were giving money away at each end.  Bad times, Joey.  Bad times.  That said, you weren’t as bad as…..

Evander.  Evander.  Evander.  We have found your achilles heel, and it is the sex face.  In the second episode, you were two busy concentrating on the quickstep to rock the proper sex face.  The result?  Bad scores.  The sex face made a triumphant return during the third episode when you did the Jive.  However it was too little, too late.  Tsk tsk.

The “General Hospital” Fan Site message boards have to be melting these days with all the coordination it is taking to keep poor Kelly Monaco in the competition.  Despite her impromptu Cinemax Late Night performance with her partner during the rhumba in Episode 2, when Kelly dances she still looks like this video I made when I was a kid of Barbie and She-Ra dancing to “Walk The Dinosaur” while He-Man and Optimus Prime…..uh, well, nevermind.  Forget I said that.  Let’s just say she looks a bit mechanical out there on the dance floor, and I don’t think The Robot is an approved ballroom dance style, no matter how much it should be.  Asian Paula continues to hate on Kelly because of said robotic dance style.  Caucasian Jamie is kinda down with Kelly because she keeps dressing up like Princess Leia from Return of the Jedi.  Good times.

Props to Rachel Hunter and her partner for doing a pretty decent job in every performance so far despite the fact that she is an Amazon warrior princess.  Rachel manages to look very graceful (and limber, I might add) despite the fact that she is a foot taller and seemingly 30 pounds heavier than her partner.  She’s my favorite to win it all.

While we’re doling out props, we need to give some to the guy from Seinfeld for not dying on national television yet.  He looks like he’s hurting something fierce after every performance.  I should also give J Peterman props for not being divorced yet, if he is indeed married.  AG pointed out that his partner is all over him when they are in front of the judges and with the hosts, and she’s right.  I didn’t notice it until she pointed it out, but there is all kinds of gratuitous touching and hand holding going on during these moments.  These are things I don’t need to see.

And speaking of things we need to see and not see, I’d like to see some of the actual dance moves, “Dancing With The Stars” camera crew.  During Rachel Hunter’s intro in one of the last two episodes, the producers make sure we know about all these difficult moves she and her partner were adding to her routine.  Then during the performance the cameras completely miss the moves and show us close-ups instead.  WTF?  I guess the guys that shoot the ACC basketball games for Raycom need some work during the offseason just like everybody else.

One final note: co-host Lisa Canning has got to go.  She is so bad with the contestants.  She asks the worst questions and seems to have no sense of timing at all.  Lisa is the Dunkelman to Tom Bergeron’s Secrest and needs to be put out of her (and our) misery.

Stay tuned for that Destin post.  Now if you’ll excuse me I need to go figure out how to keep the blizzog at the top of the Google rankings for “Evander Holyfield sex face”  for another week.  Work, work, work.