Dancing With The Stars

Before we get to the finals, a few comments on how we got here.  First, props to AG for calling the demise of Lisa Rinna.  That was sad to see, as I thought Lisa was building a Kelly Monaco-esque dark horse run to the finals.  Second, what the hell is wrong with you, America?  Jerry Rice?  Come.  On.

Oh well, you have plenty of time to think about what you’ve done, since apparently tonight’s final competition isn’t going to start until we suffer through three hours of recap.  I guess it’s a good thing Jerry Rice is here, since this show is going to have a pregame as long as the Super Bowl.

I’m going to flip over to NBC and watch some scrub figure skaters until this works itself out out.  I’ll be back in a little bit.  Make yourself at home…

Hmm… I guess I’ll check back and see if things are moving along yet and – OH MY EYES!!!!  It’s Bert…uh, “dancing”.  And what are they doing to one of my favorite Prince songs?!!!  NOOOO!  Oh, the humanity.  This was terrible.  Was it me, or did she just kinda jump on his back?  Bad times, Bert.  Bad times.

I’m going to move along and pretend that never happened.  Ever.

Anyway, after hearing everyone’s life story for a full freaking hour, the show is getting ready to start.  On with the show…

Jerry Rice (Fox Trot) – So we’ve already discussed how Jerry has no business being in the finals.  Apparently Jerry and Anna realize this also, since they threw a big freaking party for themselves as soon as they got the news.  How does one get themselves invited to a party like this?  How come no one called me? 

This performance is actually pretty good, though I still think Lisa and Louis would have done better.  Len likes it.  AG thinks he’s rocking the reverse psychology on America tonight, since last week he blasted Jerry and he made it through.  I tend to agreee.  Jedi mind tricks, baby.  Also, why does Anna look like a leprechaun tonight?  A hottie leprechaun, but still.

Stacy Keibler (Jive) – This week we find Stacy coming off a round in which she took some rare criticism from the judges and yours truly.  So she and Tony decide to mix it up and put in some dope lifts… except that Stacy can’t do them.  Huh?  Again, I don’t watch the WWE anymore but Stacy is a pro wrestler, right?  I watched “Tough Enough” so I know how this stuff works.  Don’t they teach you “getting thrown around” on like Day 1?

I’m wondering if Stacy is going to end up being a victim of her own success?  This performance is really good, but I’m not really blown away by it.  Of course the judges are loving it, particularly Bruno.  Shocker.  Why does everyone keep saying that they took risks with that performance?  How?  By doing the same dance they’ve already done before.  10s all around.  The fix is on.

Drew Lachey (Paso Doble) – At least Drew and Cheryl deserved the party that they threw for themselves.  +1 for Drew keeping it real on the Ohio tip as the Lachey family sends their congrats on tape from Cincy.  Is that little kid Drew and Nick’s younger bro bro?  He looks like he’s a sophomore in high school.  I’m trying to decide if it would rule or suck to be in high school and the younger brother of Nick and Drew Lachey.  I’m not sure where I come down on this.

I’m glad that they are doing this Thriller performance again.  It was my favorite of the season.  This one was even better than the first time they did it.  Drew’s facial expressions were much better.  You could tell that he wasn’t concentrating as much, and it came off much more natural.  Nice job, sausage.  30s all around!  Drew is on fire!  Did he just jump on the couch?  Damn.  Settle down, dude.

Jerry Rice (freestyle) – HAHAHAHAHAHA.  Love the afros.  This is pretty cool.  I’m digging the 70s vibe and all the cool tricks.  Very fun performance.  I would go so far as to call it DY-NO-MITE!  This is easily my favorite Jerry performance of the season, and probably the most fun performance of the season by anyone.  They did great with the lifts.  I’m just glad Lisa didn’t hop out of the crowd and hit Jerry with a chair shot.

Stacy Keibler (freestyle) – The 70s continue with some “Saturday Night Fever”.  It’s kinda boring here in the early going.  Actually, it’s kinda boring the whole way around.  They just did two lifts, and barely made the one at the end.  The judges are seeing it too.  There was just a lot of Hustle and not much else.  I’m glad to see the scores reflect it.  Even Stacy apologist Bruno has nothing for his girl.  I don’t think I need to tell you what the mood is like on AG’s sofa right about now. 

Drew Lachey (freestyle) – I keep waiting for Eminem’s “Lose Yourself“ to start playing.  This is your moment, Drew.  The door is open.  You have to seize the moment, or something.  This is an awesome performance.  Fun.  Great tricks.  Good times.  I think Drew just wrapped it up.  The judges are eating it up.  Did Bruno just say Drew will be in the “Brokeback Mountain” musical?  Uh oh.  Did Drew just insult the entire gay community by putting a cowboy hat on his ass?  Oh boy.  Well, there goes the homosexual vote.  Oh well, it was good while it lasted. 

America Votes Out:  uhhh…no one?  It sounds like there’s still one more dance on Sunday night that the judges will score, so I’m not sure what’s going on.  As usual, I’m not smart.

See you Sunday.