Dancing With The Stars – Week 3

Sorry I missed you last week.  I was too busy taking my laughing yoga class.  Good times. 

Some other quick thoughts on last week before I get into this week.

What was up with Joey dressed as Mr. LepreClean last week?  It sucks that they danced so late in the show.  How did he make it in time to be the mascot at the Notre Dame game on Saturday night?

So I have a theory: America hates Willa Ford.  She hasn’t been that bad in either of her performances, yet both times has managed to find herself in the bottom three.  I guess that’s the price you pay for being the, uh, Bad Girl of Pop.  Or something.

Oh well.  On to this week’s show.

Emmit Smith – Yawn.  Emmit has been bringing it to this point, but tonight is not as good as the other performances.  Perhaps the travel is getting to him.  The judges don’t really dig it either.  19.  Yikes. This is not good.

Monique Coleman – Okay, seriously.  Is there a hornier pro dancer in the bunch than Louis?  All of his stuff with Lisa last season?  Playing with Monique’s tassels before the peformance?  You’re naughty, Louis.  No matter.  Good thing Big Momma is here to watch the practicing.  And the performance. Wow!  She just jumped off the stage!  She was doing the Phoebe Run before she did it too.  That looked like that hurt.  I have to give it up.  Monique is selling this dance.  Whoops!  Did her skirt just fall down?  I think we all saw some coin slot!!!  The footwork isn’t awesome, but she’s not doing that bad either.  The judges like it.  27!!!  So does Big Momma.  Hercules!!!  Hercules!!!

Harry Hamlin – Harry is making up a dirty Argentinian fantasy to sell himself into doing a good tango.  AG likes how he’s using his acting skills to help himself out.  It’s like Team America.  As for the performance, we have no idea.  We don’t get the tango.  AG and I are never sure what we’re supposed to be looking for.  I don’t know if this was good or not.  The judges are mixed.  Bruno and Asian Paula didn’t dig it, but Len likes it.  22 out of 30 isn’t that bad.  Ashly said she felt Harry’s passion tonight.  I bet Lisa hopes she doesn’t feel it too much.

Willa Ford – Let’s see how Willa is going to piss off America tonight.  She’s not pissing me off with her naughty USO girl outfit, that’s for sure.  All kidding aside, this is a good performance tonight.  I liked it.  The judges are kinda mixed again.  These scores suck.  22 points?!  I thought this was a good performance.  Did Bert say Willa and Max are falling for each other?  Is this high school?  AG thinks ABC is playing up the love interest angle to keep them in the competition.  Interesting conspiracy theory.

Jerry Springer – Let’s face it: Jerry got the sympathy vote last week.  He’s going for it again with this “I need to get to the waltz for my daughter’s wedding” angle.  Nobody falls for that old trick.  Once again, I have no idea what’s going on.  I think this is pretty good, but I wouldn’t know a good tango if it kicked me in the cha-cha.  The judges seemed to think it was so-so.  21 out of 30.

Sara Evans – Geez.  When the judges said they want to see more of Sara’s personality, I’m not sure they meant they want to see her jugs.  But that’s apparently what she’s going for.  So much for family values, eh Mr. Delay?  Despite the sexy get-up, this was super boring for me.  She still looked stiff and unsure of herself.  Apparently I’m crazy, because the judges love it.  I guess sex really does sell.  25?!!!  This is a sham.  I wonder if this has anything to do with Sara being in the Disney commercial they showed tonight?  Hmmm.  Conspiracy theory, indeed.

Slater – I can’t stand Slater.  I thought he should’ve been kicked out last week.  Too bad his performance tonight was awesome.  I don’t know if it was good tango, but I really liked it.  Nice job, Slater.  Uh-oh.  I guess they pissed the judges off again.  If I knew what the tango was all about maybe I would understand all the fuss.  Let’s see how the scores come back.  22, but Len bringing the heat with a 6.  Interesting.

Vivica A. Fox – Why does V have to learn ballet from a guy who doesn’t wear pants?  Why is she not doing the jive like all the other chicks tonight?  Why am I asking you these questions?  This performance was kinda boring.  I wasn’t loving it.  Again, I have no idea what’s going on.  The judges really dig it.  27?!!!  I need to get a degree in tango-ology or something.  Whatever.

Joey Lawrence – I’m liking Joey more and more each week.  I’m always an Edyta fan.  This was good stuff.  I really dug this performance.  Apparently they were going Slater though.  The judges are pissed again.  Hopefully this won’t hurt them too bad.  I see Joey as having the goods to take it to the end.  I immediately regret writing that last sentence.  Now for the score: 22.  Same as the Slater score, with Len dropping the 6 again.  They should still make it through.

America Votes out: Even though I think she did good again, I still think it’s Willa.  America can’t stand her.