Dancing With The Stars Quick Hits

Like I didn’t watch the “Dancing With The Stars” season premiere.  And like I don’t have an opinion or two…

Laila Ali scares the shit out of me.  That is a big girl.  She did a really good job though.  The boxing clearly helps her footwork.  I could see her going far in the competition.

I don’t think Billy Ray Cyrus is very long for this competition.  His performance was terrible.  Oh, and Keith Urban called.  He wants his entire look back.

The judges saw something in Clyde Drexler that I clearly did not.  I thought his performance was pretty poor.  He looked like me dancing, and that’s never good.

You know that AG and I are rooting for Joey Fatone of *NYSNC fame.  How much freaking money does this guy have?  Did you see them interviewing him in his garage with like twenty cars in it?  Good times.  Joey has a good sense of humor and seems well-matched with his partner.  I see him doing well.

Shandi Finnessey is apparently a former Miss USA.  Didn’t you expect her to say, “I was Miss USA back before you had to be a coke whore to win.” in her bio?  Guess that’s just me.  Anyway, her perma-smile is pretty creepy, but not near as creepy as the grill on her partner.  That dude is weird.  He’s eerily intense.  You could tell he was straining to hide his disappointment that their score was so low.  I’m pretty sure he’s home right now watching Vision Quest and cutting himself.  Or something.

AG cannot get over how weird Leeza Gibbons’ eyebrows look in some of the shots in her bio.  Botox, anyone?  Check it out next week.  It’s really weird.

I like how they list Heather Mills’ occupation as “Chartiy Activist”.  Is it the “I’m Screwing a Beatle Out of His Fortune” charity?  I guess they couldn’t list her occupation as Golddigger.  As much as I can’t stand her, it is still pretty cool to see her dance.  I’m really scared that she’s going to fall, or that her leg is going to come flying off and decapitate someone in the audience.

I don’t have an Ian Ziering joke handy, but I’m sure my man Jigga can fill one in here.  He actually did pretty well for his first week, but the competition will get harder as the weeks go on.  It will be much harder than that time Steve Sanders ___________________________ [insert something cheezy from “90210”].  Seriously.