Shitter’s Full

If you thought things were bad here on earth, take some solace in knowing that even people in space can’t get away from every day problems. MSNBC tells us that the toilet on the international space station has been broken since last week and may not be fixed for a few more days.

Um, so that sucks.

Apparently the vacuum system that sucks the doodie away from you so it doesn’t float all up in your business isn’t working. According to the NASA status report (emphasis mine)…

“While using the toilet system in the Service Module, the crew heard a loud noise and the fan stopped working. After some troubleshooting the crew reported that the air/water separator was not working.”

Heh. The crew “heard a loud noise” and the fan stopped working. I’ve been there, brother. Only when I do it I just go grab a plunger and take care of business. I’m not stuck in a space RV orbiting around the planet with two other dudes who now can’t take a dump for 10 days. Bad times.

I wonder who did it? The three guys they mention in the article are named Sergey, Oleg, and Garrett. My money would be on Oleg Kononenko. That just sounds like the name of a big dude. Like the kind of dude that could clog a space toilet.

I bet the other two guys were giving him shit at first, pun totally intended. “Hey, Oleg. Maybe stop after one bowl of space chili next time, eh?” That would be funny for at least a few days… or until I had to rock a Number 2 and couldn’t, whichever came first. Stupid Oleg.

Luckily these guys have another toilet they can use, but it only has limited capacity. After that’s full? Well, the article mentions these things called Apollo bags, which are “bags with sticky openings”. Riiigggghhhtttt.

If I’m stuck in a cramped little bathroom in space and the only defense I have against turds floating up in my grill are “bags with sticky openings”, then I think it’s time to get resourceful and look for better alternatives. All I’m saying is that if I were Oleg, I’d check my pillowcase before I went to sleep.