How to Save CBS News

CBS has had it rough lately. Katie Couric has been pounded in the ratings. Dan Rather is piling on every chance he gets. The Eye grossly misjudged the fanbase of Jericho, cancelling the show only to bring it back after pissed off fans sent tons of nuts to the studio headquarters.

If all this wasn’t bad enough, Bob Barker signed off for the final time last week from The Price is Right. Though Bob said it was the right time for him to retire, we’re not so sure that he’s ready to give up the spotlight just yet. With all this in mind, AG and I have an idea about how to do CBS a huge solid and save The CBS Evening News. Ready for this?

Bob Barker and Katie Couric should switch places.

Just like Meredith Viera has done for the syndicated Who Want’s To Be a Millionaire, Katie’s infectious sparkle and enthusiasm would be a great way to carry on the tradition at The Price is Right.  We’ll get to see more of that personality that made her famous, a personality that has been all but washed away by the Serious Katie persona she dons each night for the news.

And Bob?  Well it’s clear that the CBS news has two big problems: 1.) It’s boring, and 2.) People can’t get used to a woman reading the news for whatever reason.  So what better person to replace Katie than someone who is a.) not a chick, and b.) the most beloved figure in TV history?

Bob could reverse that snoozer of a newscast by giving it a little game show magic.  CBS could weave the day’s stories into a news-oriented version of The Price is Right.  How do you decide which of the top stories gets read first?  I think a little game of Plinko would be a fair way to do it.  Or what about a segment to determine what the average price of a gallon of gas is in the country today?  Perhaps a little Dice Game could help derive the answer.  Contestants could bid on the current day’s cost of the Iraq war.  As always, the person who was closest to the actual retail price without going over would win.

AG and I think this is the best option CBS has right now, and we can’t wait for them to implement our grand idea by hiring us as programming king and queen.  Just imagine how much happier the news will be once Bob is hosting it.  Bob will close the telecast with, “That’s all the news for tonight.  Don’t forget to help control the pet population.  Have your pets spayed or neutered.” while The Price is Right theme song plays in the background.   And then the announcer says…

“The CBS Evening News, with Bob Barker.  A Mark Goodsen television production.”

I like the sound of that.